Shoulda Been a Water Ballerina

The week started out with Masters swim and the coach telling me I missed my calling as a water ballerina.  Huh.  Not really what one wants to hear when hoping to get faster in the pool, as a Triathlete!  However, there seems to be hope.  I will continue waking at 4:30am to swim alongside (as in the lane next to) the fast boys who make swimming look like a relaxing activity.  On Friday, I was able to put my fins and paddles on to do a few sets with the guys at their cruising pace.  Humbling experience but a fun one indeed.  I'm grateful for their willingness to take me under their wing, in the hopes that surely, I can get faster than I am now.

I also went to yoga on Wednesday night.  I needed to find something "relaxing" to do because my body is all jacked up from throwing myself full-steam back into training without considering I'm totally out of shape and lacking the  strength/flexibility in many muscle groups that I once possessed.  I didn't know what "Mysore" meant but wow, still today, my sore. 

I showed up at Yoga Shala and was greeted by my English teacher in the lobby (the woman who is responsible for getting me to come in the first place) and was informed that Mysore is "work on your own" yoga.  This gave me the giggles considering I didn't have any tricks up my sleeve to bust out while everyone else  folds themselves neatly into pretzels.  As people started showing up, my giggles turned to panic as it became clear by looking at them and the way they laid their mats out and sprayed them "just so", that I was most definitely the reject of the group.  Shocker.  Not like I haven't been HERE before.  Usually, I laugh my way through my inadequacies--an inappropriate survival tick.  Problem #1: you are NOT allowed to laugh in yoga or talk for that matter.  Considering the previous statement, suppressing my urge to giggle proved to be more challenging than originally thought.

However, I did it.  I only had a few, very short, well recovered, snorts.  There was this woman in front of me who was doing things that made her body look unrecognizable; is that her foot or her arm? Who else is in there with her?  Our instructor would go around to different people and give them tips to help them achieve their poses.  She would give me a few poses to do in succession (as to not overwhelm me) and then she'd come back and check with me.  As I sat patiently waiting for my next set of "tricks", I observed everyone.  More often than not, I forgot the steps in my poses and I'd just sit there and look like I was meditating--duh, I didn't forget, I'm just getting in touch with my Chakra.  At one point, there was a woman getting help with a handstand and I had once again forgotten what I was supposed to be doing.  So, I pulled out my only trick:  A headstand.  However, I quickly realized that my poorly crafted headstand was child's play compared to the kind of things they were doing.  As people all around me put Gumby to shame, I just stayed in my headstand, preferring the feeling of blood rushing to my head over the grunting and grimacing that accompanied trying to calmly hold a pose without shaking uncontrollably.  The lesser of two evils.  What an incredibly humbling experience.

For all of you who think Yoga is an activity you can't get your a$$ kicked in, I'm here to tell you you're wrong.  What I took away from this experience was, I need to go back many, many times.  I obviously need to work on or at least locate,  my flexibility and strength.  I'm grateful for the folks at Yoga Shala who welcomed that runner girl who can't even touch her toes...Yet.

The Climb

How has my life been reduced to a Miley Cyrus song?  I'm embarrassed to admit, the lyrics of this Disney prodigy's song actually have had an emotional affect on me (and more than once...sigh).  I take comfort in the hope that she didn't actually write it.  Moving on now...

The past couple of weeks have offered a few "climbs" but not without reward.  I'll just say this: I'm grateful for the undying support of family, friends and the inimitable love of my boys.  My youngest had his first slumber party at a friends house last night so I took my oldest (11) on a "date".  What strikes me, and never ceases to amaze me, is the love and admiration children innately have for their parents.  What a treasure.  They don't care how much money you have, what kind of clothes you wear or what your job is (or if you even have one! LOL).  They don't need you to be perfect in any way, except in your love for them (and sadly, even that's negotiable).  I am grateful that the one thing I have an endless amount of, just happens to be all they truly need from me...in addition to the essentials, of course.

I've been plugging along in the training department and have made some gains in the pool (hallelujah!).  I'm looking forward to the snow and the opportunity to get back out on the skate skis.  This is an activity I have yet to master, but it is (by far) one of my favorite Winter activities.

My parents came out for a visit, and my dad took the below photo of me running (yes, I'm running!) through Manito park.   Check out his website if you have the time.  While you're at it, you should look at my mom's blog as well.  I'm very proud of my parents.  They are talented, smart and fun to be around but more than  anything, just really exceptional human beings.  I don't think I've ever appreciated them more than I do now.

"Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall". Confucious

A 5k, Chic Time and a Monster Dash

The school week ended with a math and a physics test and the weekend began with my first cross country 5k with the team.  It was time.  We left the campus at 7am, Saturday morning, and I was able to watch the sunrise on the way.  Have I mentioned what a beautiful place we live in?  A huge grin found comfort on my face early in the drive and I couldn't help but let it stay. 

We got to the race, and before I knew it, it was time to start. We got a pep talk from the coaches, had a huddle, and then the gun went off.

My lungs were really angry with me most of the race. More than anything, that's where I notice the biggest deficit; my cardiovascular fitness.  My body can go faster but my lungs are screaming, "STOP!" As I ran, I sounded like a poorly tuned musical instrument that needed to be put out of it's misery: a trumpet being played by someone with emphysema.  The girls around me were probably wondering what was wrong with me.  "It's okay ladies, just leap over me if I crumple to the ground!"  However, I achieved my goal of improving my time from last week, and took 1:10 off.   I feel like I've discovered a new side to running that is really FUN! I like playing this game.  My official time was 21:48.  The number is getting smaller, and it's feeling better...so, I'm just going to continue to focus on that.  Here's a super picture of our team.  I was going to crop it, but I just couldn't do it.  Some things just need to be left the way they are. Good stuff.

I finished off the day with a long overdue dinner in the company of good friends.  A double feature and a sleepover followed...sans the lingerie pillow fights.  We woke up early this morning for the Spokane Swifts Monster Dash 5k (for adults and kids alike with a Halloween theme).  There's something powerful about being amongst a bunch of badass women in tutus.  We arrived at Manito park at 6:45am to set up, and continued to freeze our a$$es off for the rest of the day but it was worth every shiver.  Amazing day.  Stay tuned for photos on the Swifts website

Adrianne and I ended up being the "sweepers" on the course which worked out well, since I'm quite familiar with pulling up the rear these days.  Here we are out on the course, we asked some spice girls (as in salt, pepper and paprika) who didn't seem to be in a hurry, to take our picture. And for the record, we returned the favor to our photographers by taking their picture as well.

 

I was struck today by how many remarkable, strong, encouraging, positive women I have in my life.  I just want to acknowledge the women I spent the day with today, and all the supportive friends I've been fortunate enough to have in my life along the way.  I'm aware of what a gift it is, and I'm grateful for that.

I didn't die

Today I ran my first 5k since February.  I am finally back and running!  Considering my current state of fitness with my cross country coach this week, we decided it'd be better for me to run a random, local 5k before doing a team race.  And today was the day.

Let me start by saying, it's really nice to be racing again.  Regardless of how much fitness and speed I've lost or how much work is ahead of me, I loved getting up this morning, knowing there was a race on the docket. Racing is my passion and it brings me a tremendous amount of satisfaction and motivation, in all aspects of my life.  And I've missed having the physical ability to go out and just run...so much so, that I haven't really felt like myself in these past months.  I am incredibly grateful that I got to go give it what I had today, and especially excited to say, my knee felt PERFECT!!

There's not much to say about a 5k, other than, "ouch".  Because this was my first race in a while, I decided that although I was going to wear my watch, I was not going to look at my time or heart rate and just go on feel.  This was a great idea, although it's particularly sad when you come around for your second lap, thinking it's time to finish.  I came around the corner looking towards the finish line and saw the clock. I quickly realized, no matter how convinced I was that I had only one working lung and was seeing the light of God calling me home,  I hadn't run a 13 minute 5k.  So, I headed out on my third and final lap a bit discouraged and a touch slower.  There's always an upside though...I could have come screaming through the finish line, not looking at the clock--throwing my hands in the air screaming "ya baby!!".  I like to point out that things could always be worse.  Yes, I am grateful for these little things.

Now, I'll talk about my time.  Well folks, I ran this cross country course in a whopping 22:58 today.  Yes, that's right.  The fun little detail about this particular pace (7:23/mi) is that I actually ran my last half marathon (on a hilly course) at a pace of 7:22/mile, one year ago, after my Lupus diagnosis.  Shelby tells me I should not, and cannot, compare where I was then, to where I am now.  She's little, but she's wise, and she knows some things about me...well, maybe a lot of things. So, I'm listening.

There it is in print.  My baseline, my starting point.  I am grateful for a healthy, working body that allows me to run pain free.  I've been patient but now it's time.  And what I'll focus on, is that it only gets better from here.  At this point, all I've got is a working body and a motivated mind. The slate has been wiped clean and I've got some goals, not based on the past but based on what I want in the future.  And I have no doubt that I'll get there.  It's just going to take some time, hard work and a heaping dose of patience.  Game on.

Introducing: Miss Shelby Madden

So, ya'all have seen Shelby all over my blog.  As embarrassed as she'll be, I felt it necessary for a somewhat formal introduction.

I met Shelby when I was about 18.  She loaned me the money to do my first skydive.  From there, we became room mates and spent a couple of years jumping out of airplanes together and working at the drop zone out in Perris Valley, California.  Since then, we've encouraged each other to do ALL kinds of things.  I just happened to rope her into participating in triathlon.  But with Shelby, it doesn't take much to get her going on something.

Now for the reason I'm writing this little blurb.  Shelby has taken on a huge challenge and she has started blogging about it.  http://shelbymadden.blogspot.com/ Read it.  At the very least, you will be entertained.  But I'm going to bet, you'll be inspired.  There's so much I want to write about regarding how, where and when she started, what she has faced and the incredible strength and perseverance she possesses.  But, it's her story.  So, I'll let her tell it...for now.   But I might just pipe in if she forgets to mention something....

There's always an upside to change

Well, Fall is here and the Cross Country season is far underway.  I have missed the first 2 races because on the second day of school I seem to have contracted a nasty flu bug that I'm still recovering from 2 weeks later.  On the upside, I am starting to feel human again, I didn't miss one day of school and my boys didn't get sick.  I am surely grateful for that.  Below is our team.  I am second from the right.  I giggle every time I look at it.  We were supposed to look like we were on the starting line, ready for the gun to go off but I think we just ended up looking like we're all holding kitchen utensils.  However dorky our team photo is, this is a very talented group of young ladies and I am honored to call them my teammates.

I woke up early this morning to ride on the trainer before school and  I watched the sun rise out my window as I did so.  Often, I have these moments in life when I'm completely overwhelmed by the greatness of life.  This morning, while watching the sunrise as I sweat my rear off while riding my beautiful, orange Trek inside a cozy home, I had one of those moments.  I love my life! I was able to run today as well and tomorrow I'll get my butt back in the pool. I may have a different kind of "feeling" about my swim workout but I'll give it a good Tinkerbell try.  At least the folks at the Y will be entertained.  Moving onward!!

I'll leave you with a few great quotes:

 "The trick is in what one emphasizes, we can make ourselves miserable or make ourselves strong, the work is the same" Carlos Castoneda.

"Anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing to do.  But to hold it together when everyone would understand if you fell apart, that's true strength" Author Unknown.

"It is not the strongest of the species that survive, nor the most intelligent, it is the one most responsive to change".  Author unknown (often misquoted as Darwin).

If you can roll with the punches, find that "nugget of gold" in even the most dire of situations, and have gratitude for the journey no matter what it brings, I believe you can't help but be truly happy.

What it looks like to get dropped by...

I'm considering temporarily changing the name of this blog to "What it looks like to get dropped by _____".  Here's what it looks like to get dropped by Sam:

But let's start from the beginning.  Sam told me he had an easy 2 hour ride to do in Coeur D'Alene.  When my friends who are in stellar shape tell me they have an "easy day", what that translates to for me is "maybe I can hang on for dear life to keep up".  And I'm always game for that.

I awoke Thursday morning to rain pouring outside.  It was such a cozy feeling to be in my big, warm bed while hearing the rain falling outside.  Then it occurred to me that I was meeting Sam in Coeur D'Alene to ride.  Crap.  I texted Sam and said "it's raining".  His response included calling me a pussy and that I should "nut up".  Being so confused by the references to body parts, some of which I don't actually possess, I figured I'd better just "nut up".  When I arrived in Coeur D'Alene, this is what it looked like:

Then I really started to feel like a wimp or the small feline he referenced when I saw Sam was out there in the lake swimming.  I took a picture but it's hard to see him.  He's the small spec off-center in the picture below.

He got ready and as we were heading out on our ride, he said "I have some intervals to do".  Oh great.  So much for hanging on for dear life.  He dropped me at the first hill we hit and that was during the warm up. Here he is, waiting for me again.
 

I had some nice quality time with myself as Sam shot off like a rocket for his intervals.  I actually laughed out loud at how quickly he was out of sight.  But Turbo always came back around to get me and it actually ended up being a beautiful day and a really fun ride.  After his intervals, Sam slowed the pace so I could hop on his wheel and I did hang on for dear life!  I got that giddy feeling in my stomach, a reminder of one of the many reasons I love to ride.  I've still got a long way to go, but I feel like I am slowly but surely pulling away from that cloud hanging over my head and coming into the warm sunshine, promising me more warmth if I just keep on going.

I am grateful for the journey, the reminder that health and fitness are gifts to be coddled and savored.  And I'm grateful for what lay ahead.  I've had a small taste of what lies on the other side of commitment, hard work, early mornings and humiliating, vomit inducing training sessions...and that is what drives me, keeps me focused even when it seems like I'll never get there.  A friend shared a quote with me today by Tim Timmons, "celebration is empty without desperation".  I like it and I believe it to be true.